Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
