If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
