Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
