Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
