dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
