I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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