I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The ass gains better be worth it
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