OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
