I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
