He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
