HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
