We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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