Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
