I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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