I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
