I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wear drunk well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize