problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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