Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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