Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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