I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
