i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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