Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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