if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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