It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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