I just gift wrapped bread.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You made out with two different species that night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
