I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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