I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
