That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
