he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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