my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
