Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
