Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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