u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
