see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
love makes seman taste better
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
