Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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