Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
