Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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