I love black thongs
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Small penises have feelings too.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
