im having a threesome with these popsicles
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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