My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
