I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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