Plan B is the new Plan A
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
