The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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