He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
