I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
