It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
