So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
