Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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