Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
