You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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