he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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