Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
