After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
