I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
