The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
