Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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