He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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