I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.