singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete