The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?