is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.