that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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