Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
