She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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