my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
