but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
