I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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