You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
